Change, Stress, Stagnation… and Hope

Who would have thought after a few months spending time in Paris, getting acquainted in a new job, exploring a new world, and dealing with new struggles of change, I would have a reminder of the array of human experience, on the 2nd floor of a McDonald’s dining room, and on a Monday night, to boot?

This is what happened today. The past few days have been tough for me. While my first 3 months here have been great overall, recent events have left me a bit more stressed as some priorities have come to fore. First of all, while people are nice, I know my French is a bit behind and I’m feeling more pressure to catch up as I encounter more situations where I need it, and as my work nudges me to learn a bit more to fit in more. As I have been here a while, and at a certain point, I know it could be annoying to translate or catch me up during conversations that happen naturally in French.

I’m dealing with immigration processes, and also trying to perform my best in my new job. I’ve made it this far, so why would I even consider giving up now? I’m not someone who gives up, I always aspire to improve and succeed regardless of my circumstances – I’ve been through a lot, and even though times get hard, I know I can do it based on past experience.

Regardless, this is still all very new, and it’s hard to remember all the positives every time things stack up to a certain degree. I end up in a crisis again, which is inevitable when you have anxiety and certain things mount up over time. To further explain – In addition, I’ve been preparing for a big presentation and have been procrastinating a bit, so it’s now 2 days before and I’m just starting to make my updates tojight. But I have a reason, because beyond that, my last few days I’ve also needed to recover from a dental extraction I’ve been putting off for 3 years and finally got done on Friday, after moving to a new country.

With that in mind, I feel justified, however, the deadline is there and so it looms on my mind regardless, the clock ticking closer and closer as I try to muster the strength and motivation to just get started.

It isn’t easy to take on a mentally challenging task such l as a presentation though when you haven’t had enough proper nutrition, and that’s what I’d been struggling with as well. For me, I can’t focus unless I get enough protein each day, and even after eating almost every kind of category of food I can find each day, at the end of the day, with night growing close, and after eating my last can of sardines, I realize it was still not enough…

So at 10pm, after a nice and needed shower, I set out to my nearby McDonald’s to grab some “real food” – some final protein to tap out my hunger – and a good excuse to get out and get my mind off of things for a moment, as well.

Eating on one side of my mouth and being extra careful the past 3 days had been tough. And of course I ended up eating bigger food anyways, balanced with soups. But this would be the first meal outside the house – and my first time leaving since Friday too. I know I needed the exercise, and the human interaction, too. On thé verge of another crisis where I again question my direction in life and whether I’m still on the right path, I end up finding a resolution in my mind. But I know that some proper food and some fresh air will really help me at this point. So I head out, finally…

Who knew that in my time of stress and my lack of feeling, I would find a renewal of hope and find my feeling again, on the same night…

I grab my jacket, and my 2nd jacket (it’s cold here in winter, in France!) and head down the street, a few blocks south from where I reside.

On the way, it is quiet, I realize that most people are probably not keen to be on the street late at night on a Monday. And the shops are all closed at this hour too. Regardless, I see a few souls, some not paying attention, me glad they did not. Some who pass me by, me a bit suspicious but then none the same.

And one or two that give me an odd look, only to see my reaction, and perhaps change their look to a bit of guilt, perhaps rethinking their immediate suspicion at a lone guy walking past them on a sparse street at nught…

I feel better upon seeing they may be rethinking, but I know this could all be in my head too. Do I think too much? Why am I so worried about every rection, especially from strangers I will never see again?

Anyways, I still did not feel happy, and knew it as I walked down the street. But in fact, I realized I still did not feel much of anything. This must be what they mean when they say “I feel dead inside.”

I finally make it to McDonald’s, the bright yellow M greeting me with its bright neon light, a beacon of warmth and respite on an otherwise dark road.

I walk in, take a while to decide exactly what I want (today I want healthy, but also add some coffee with milk – I know I’ll need it for what could be a longer night). After some contemplation, I finish. ordering my food on the touchscreen, and wait for my name to be called. Thankfully I’ve learned enough french by now to at least know the number they’re calling, I think…

I finally retrieve my food, and head upstairs to the bot huge, but somewhat spacious dining room up straits, and take my seat, being carefully to choose one facing away from the teens at the middle table, and a single seat, so as to not impede on larger groups who may want a table later on.

I gather my food, and begin eating. I’m already more at ease…

What follows is the highlight of my night, probably of my weekend, and though it may not sound like the best outcome at first, I realize it is exactly what I needed, and a nice reminder of the rest of the human experience that you can forget when so focused on the first priorities of daily life.

It’s Valentine’s Day, so I thought I would share a moment of human connection, that, while maybe not the best immediate outcime, ended up awakening my soul regardless 💙

So I’m sitting here at this nice dining room on the 2nd floor of McD’s here in France. This cute lady, probably in her 30’s, is sitting at a table in the corner of the room, across from a man appearing to be her bf or husband.

I’ve been noticing them during my meal, don’t pay much attention, until later on toward the end of my meal, I stop to take a sip of my coffee with cream – I jump straight into it, without putting in any sugar or mixing.

Suddenly, the woman across stares at me longingly for a couple of seconds, but which feels like days…. Which at once makes me forget everything else going on in my life, as well as induces those butterflies I feel like I haven’t felt in quite some time butterfly 🦋

This catches me off guard, and at the same time, I find it odd because she is there with her husband. However, I know firsthand that not everyone is fully satisfied in every relationship, and regardless, it’s human nature to long for more, no matter our current situation.

Anyway, I look back subsequently, opening up my heart in vulnerability, if for but one moment… Our eyes lock, and I feel the connection has been made. Even in that short nonverbal exchange, I can’t help feeling something special has occurred.

I look away, and am left alone with my thoughts for the next few moments, and continue sipping my coffee. Shortly thereafter, the couple collects their belongings and gets up to leave. As they are leaving, I look down so as to not appear too interested, but catch a final glance before she passes by. As she is passing by, she appears to be irritated. Or perhaps she is giving a dirty look?

What made me feel warm and fuzzy for that moment has now made me stressed out, as I don’t know why she is angry suddenly. Has my feigned lack of interest backfired? Or perhaps she is irritated that this connection may never be, in reality.

In the moment, I tell myself that this also could just be a mechanism from the other party to counteract their own moment of weakness before, in order to make me think that it was not so easy. In order to make me confused, perhaps.

Well, if this was the case, it worked.

I understand the reaction, if this is the case. However, what passersby never seem to imagine is that as a highly sensitive person, I can get very stressed by even things such as a dirty look and it can take me several minutes, sometimes hours, for me to get over it. Such is the heart of Noah.

But alas, they are likely gone and forgot this whole event happened already while I am here still stressed out and thinking about it.

But to end, once I’ve sorted through my feelings and reflected on the outcome, I end up cherishing this moment, even if fleeting, because the bottom line is, someone showed interest in me today, and this experience was most welcome in reminding me what the human experience is all about – and that connection is just as important as food, rest, and even fun 💯

Attraction is Based on Gender, Not Sex

I just realized something, and while it may be immediately shocking or offensive to some people, it is something that must be understood, and once understood, beneficial to the society in which we participate.

In most cases, we as people, are not really attracted to another’s “sex”, but rather to a person’s gender, and all that gender encompasses.

Before understanding my argument, you must first understand the difference between sex and gender.

Sex is a person’s physical, biological dichotomy of male or female (the sexual genitalia one has, their hormones, etc.) while gender is its associated social, psychological, and cultural constructs – everything society ascribes to a person’s sex. Sex is identical universally to all humans, but gender varies greatly across every society.

Generally, there is one gender ascribed to each sex, but they are not the same. Our reason to polarize gender is influenced by the sex. The biological continuum of genes, chromosomes, hormones, and reproductive physiology helps produce a script for appearing and behaving male or female. However, each society’s gender expectations have developed very differently, with no one society’s attributions to each sex being right or wrong, or better than another.

Men and women have different acceptable appearances, roles, and ways of acting in each society and what is acceptable in one society may be unthought of in another. For example, men wear skirts (called kilts) in Scotland, and on Valentine’s Day, women buy chocolates for men in Japan. At birth in Belgium, boys are put in pink and girls in blue. There, pink is considered masculine and strong, and blue is considered feminine and dainty. In part of South Vietnam, society is matriarchal (female-dominated), not patriarchal (male-dominated). The list goes on.

So moving forward, knowing that a male in one culture may look opposite to a male in another, we consider what makes one attractive.

One sex will always be sexually attracted to the other in all current societies (otherwise these societies would cease to exist, due to a lack of heterosexual procreation). But the way each gender (including physical appearance) looks in each country may be radically different. However, even with these differences, the male is still attracted to the female! Even if the male in another society appeared to us Americans as female, the females there are attracted to him. And vice-versa. What is found attractive in one society is entirely different in another.

So why is this, if the sexes are the same across cultures? Because attraction is based on society-ascribed gender, and not sex. Gender, including physical appearance, changes by the culture, and becomes normalized there. Thus, the society’s own physical and mental attractions adapt and normalize that, as well. What looks like male and female in the United States may look very different in Syria or Japan.

To prove my point, one can be attracted to a trans-gender woman (not knowing it was a male) because they choose to embody the physical appearance expected for the female gender (not their sex). The reason it’s gender, is because if it were tied only to a person’s physical sex, then they would not be able to cross over genders and appear as the other gender in the first place. So gender is not necessarily physically based, but based rather on the role and appearance an individual chooses to embody.

Most of the time, we don’t actually know what a person’s sex is unless we see their genitalia, so we make assumptions based on their appearance (gender-based). Which is why, for example, being trans-gender, or cross-dressing, and being able to appear as the opposite sex, is even possible in the first place. Generally, all they have to do to “pass” as the other sex, is act and alter their appearance to appear as the gender society ascribes to the opposite sex. (I know there are other more complex things involved, but this covers the majority of it).

Therefore, because we can’t know one’s actual sex from first impressions, but determine it based on a person’s chosen (yes, mostly chosen) physical appearance and other gender-based attributes – we are, at least immediately, attracted to their gender (expressed by their clothing, physical appearance, and mannerisms), not their sex. In our society, physical appearance and other roles are, while somewhat ingrained, more largely taught since birth, from the moment the parent puts blue or pink on the newborn.

Much of an American woman’s appearance, for example, is based on things learned, not ingrained. To be accepted as a healthy heterosexual woman in American society, she must dress a certain way, keep her hair a certain length, and behave in a way supposedly “natural” for others who share her sex. For a man, the gender boundaries are just as tight in other ways; he has much less leeway in terms of how he can dress, and if he crosses over boundaries women regularly do, he is seen as gay or immoral.

If women and men were truly taught by our society to look and act equally, and furthermore, taught that they are equal, there would be much less separating their appearance and the ways they act than you might think. And most of the ways people become attracted to another in the first place, is, again, not through physically seeing the other’s sex, but actually by seeing their gender, supposedly determining their sex, to be accepted as male or female within that society.

Once again, we are attracted to a person based on gender (not sex) because, knowing all that gender encompasses beyond physical attributes ingrained in either male or female, the reasons for attraction to another (largely physical appearance, ways of acting, personality), are largely societal-taught gender attributes any individual can be taught. If you can’t see a person’s sex (body parts), then you’re most certainly seeing their gender.

End Note:

These are just my observations. Obviously, there are still some innate physical differences that contribute to one’s physical appearance, due to sex, and may influence a male’s attraction to a woman, or vice versa (body only). But my point is that regardless of sex, a male can mostly alter his appearance to appear as a girl, and then be seen as a girl by our society, thus appearing female, sexually.

A physical sex change is not necessary to be seen as female, but a gender change, specifically taking up the role of female gender in appearance, is necessary. And vice-versa.

Therefore, we can only assume one’s sex by seeing the gender they practice, thus allowing us to feel attracted to them. We begin to feel attraction upon seeing the gender they practice, and we fill in the blanks from there.

P.S.

Of course, I do not mean to downplay the distinctions of gender. I do find coding sex by physical appearance acceptable and somewhat necessary.

Our society determines one’s sex based on their gender, so it does, for example, cause problems when one’s sex does not correspond to what the society teaches that the specific gender should reflect (trans-gender individuals may experience difficulty with this in search of serious partners, which is unfortunate.)

However, I believe that the range of restrictions, role and personality expectations, and lack of cross-fluidity placed on each gender in our society is unacceptable.

In my opinion, men should be able to dress more freely, adopting more feminine styles without judgment, be able to show more love to other men as heterosexuals, as women do among themselves, and not have to worry about “degrading himself” by expressing himself in ways seen as traditionally feminine, stepping away from the “masculine” rigidity we are taught to have today. And women should be able to appear as they want without judgment, be able to work the same job at the same pay as men, not be subject to harassment based on their sex, and be seen as social equals to men. Trans-gender people should have the right to use the restroom corresponding to their gender (because it is the one they look like after all). Each sex may even have ingrained differences – men may have more physical strength, but women quicker emotional processing. While they are not identical, men and women deserve to be treated as equal. After all, men and women’s ingrained differences complement each other, and in unity, a man and woman are capable of much more than any man or woman alone. And no man would exist without his mother who bore him initially. Man needs woman as much as woman needs man. So each deserves to be treated equally, embracing their strengths in unity, rather than oppressing each other in division.

History has made gender what it is today, and it is different in each society. In Ancient Greece, men wore corsets, and in Scotland, they wear kilts. The feminist movement in the U.S. has allowed us to see pants, formerly only men’s garments, become standard apparel for women. In many parts of the world, women hold dominance over men, not the other way around.

Countless historical or political reasons and popular culture have changed society’s fashion, values, and gender attributions many times before, making what was previously”unthinkable”, the standard. Thankfully, it is gradually changing, as men and women become more flexible in their gender roles, and more equal, as well. However, there is still work to be done. Whether it be a social movement, artists driving popular culture popularizing a trend, or a mass realization of the strictness and inequality of our society, we will move forward again.

To explore more on gender, check out the articles linked below.

Sources:

Care 2 – 6 Gender Stereotypes Around the World

Love to Know – Fashion, Gender, and Dress

If You’ve Ever Wondered Where Nintendo Records Its Music…

NoahSan's avatarGamer Splash!

Hey guys!

So as a Nintendo fan and musician, I am deeply interested in Nintendo’s music, from their soundtracks to their production.

In the past 10 years, since the Wii era, Nintendo has finally begun to use live instruments for its videogames (save for a few earlier examples, such as Star Fox Assault).

Over that time, Nintendo has utilized various studios to record their music in.

You may remember Nintendo recorded videos from the recording sessions, and seeing different musicians record that music in different studios.

Well I’ve done a lot of digging recently, and have uncovered the locations of nearly all the studios Nintendo has used for its live music recordings for its games!

Enjoy!

To begin, here is video of Nintendo’s own internal sound studios:

It does not look the same as the other studios Nintendo uses.

Speaking to an sound employee at a Nintendo partner game studio…

View original post 560 more words

Respecting Boundaries

  • Something I’ve learned recently, is especially with some people, true friendship and trust must be earned. And I can’t expect too much from them, say certain things, or have certain conversations, as I haven’t fully earned their trust yet.

    When at a point I thought I was at a certain level with them, it turns out I wasn’t. That usually makes me feel bad, but I guess I just have to understand and accept the reality of it, and either be mindful and work towards it, or just be thankful for the close friends I do have, who I have earned the trust of.
    Nevertheless, it’s a good lesson in the importance of building relationships, and respecting boundaries respective to the relationship level.
    Is this right, to have these boundaries? Before I thought, not so important. I can blend the lines, and be bold sometimes. In some situations, this is good. But not in all.

    But as time has gone on, and I’ve seen friendships crumble, or be bound at certain levels, I’ve learned that you really do have to earn levels of trust from people you know, because they don’t always want personal or sensitive info leaked to people who they don’t fully know yet. Because who knows if you may judge, or do something wrong with it. Rather than get offended, I just need to realize and accept my level of closeness with them, and either work towards getting closer, or just accept it and be thankful for the close friends I do have.

    So I believe due to this experience, I understand this better now, and am learning to respect that. For better relationships, and for the consideration of others, as well.

    Thoughts?

Acquaintancy

I hate how in college, relationships can end with the end of a semester. You’re no longer in class with them, therefore you don’t see them or talk to them anymore.
Your one most common mutuality, your one “excuse” for interacting, is over with.
It feels like with more time, you could’ve developed a better relationship, beyond simple acquaintancy.
But maybe the mutual desire just wasn’t as strong as you thought it was. And that’s why it didn’t continue.
Maybe they’ve accepted the fact that friendships only last for a semester.
Maybe that’s all that was meant to be: an acquaintancy.

Why I Believe In God AND Science

Many dismiss God because science speaks a lot about things not in the Bible.
However, I still believe in God.
Because even if the things science reveals weren’t in the Bible, the Bible explains our world, his creation, as he sees it, and how we would see it without scientific knowledge.
 
And science explains what his creation is, and how it works, on a technical level.
 
While things aren’t explained very scientifically in the Bible, the Bible gives us a good foundation. It says that we are, and our universe is, because God made it that way.
Science comes in after that, and then gives us new ideas and terms that help us to understand what we are, what our universe is, and how it works, and was created.
 
While the Bible says that we are, and who we are, it doesn’t say how we are, other than him making us what we are.
 
In order to understand God’s world and ourselves more, science was created.
The Bible says that God created the universe, therefore we infer that God created the laws governing the universe and allowing it to work perfectly.
 
Science accepts the philosophy that there are laws governing how the universe and our world works,
and then uses this foundation to explain it technically, that we may better understand it and navigate it.
 
Where the Bible explains that we are, that the universe is, and that he created it,
Science explains how we are, how the universe is, and how he created it and us.
 
The Bible lays a foundation and explains in simple terms his universe, his people, and their identity in him.
Science explains how God did it.
 
The Bible’s truths don’t change, because they come from God. And because they’re explained without science, which is always changing and evolving, they can never be wrong.
 
While the Bible’s truth doesn’t change, the truths of our science do.
Because our understanding isn’t complete, or fully refined yet.
As we learn more, we correct our research and get better at explaining how God did it, and how the world he created, works.
 
We’ve yet to find God in one place in the Universe, because his presence is throughout the universe. It’s something you can feel, but not see. Something that is everywhere, but will never be found in one place.

Finally Watched Star Wars 7! My Review!

Finally watched Star Wars: The Force Awakens! It was incredible! I saw it in IMAX 3D, so I also witnessed the incredible escape from Jakku scene in all of its full-frame glory! Although the start was unusual for me, as it started in the middle of a battle with a brand new character, I slowly got into the new movie, as it progressed. I love how detailed everything was, and how great of a job they did creating a new world. I was initially weary going into it, if they could create a whole new world, similar to how George Lucas envisioned. And they’ve absolutely pulled it off! The familiar characters making a return was heartwarming, and the new material was awe-inspiring. The fights and all the action was great and done very well, and the last few scenes were very emotional and meaningful, in true Star Wars fashion. The story was amazing, too. I love how Rey and Finn worked so well together, and how a female Jedi can absolutely work so well, without feeling forced. Her performance was just so natural and perfect. Not many could pull it off better than Daisy and John (the actors).
And let’s not forget John Williams beautiful score he brought to the entire movie, perfectly chiming in old and new pieces when the time was right, fitting right in with the action and the peace.
Overall, a great experience and a great movie, and I can’t wait to see what the next one will bring!

My Take on Ever-Critical “Fans”

I don’t think one is a true fan of something, if they can only appreciate the initial works of an artist or person, and then criticize everything that comes after it for not being the same, or even very similar. In most cases, this change you don’t like, is just a just natural evolution of the art and the artist.

I see this problem in both music and film, but it can also occur in countless mediums, even with people.
Ex: The people who criticize every new album Linkin Park releases just because it doesn’t sound like their first (the fans’ “favorite”.) People who criticize the new Star Wars films for not being the same as the originals, in ways evolutionary or not. People who criticize the new Halo videogames for not being the same as the originals. People who criticize a leader for changing his ideas as he got older. It’s mere evolution.

The fact of the matter is, if you’re a true fan, you are a fan of the artist, the series, or the person, not just their initial works; and will follow them on their journey, as they naturally evolve throughout it. You liked the original concept, so watch it grow. If it grows into something bad, it’s fine to not like it, but give it a chance, and realize things and people change and evolve.

Linkin Park are different people than they were 15 years ago, and their original music style isn’t exciting to them anymore. Let them be creative and explore new things. Be excited, and follow them on their new journey. Journey with them, don’t hold them back.
George Lucas wasn’t thinking of making the Star Wars prequels with the same formula as the originals. He wanted to try something new, something exciting to him.

You have to remember, true artists do not exist only to please their fans and make money, but to further their art as well, because it is their passion. Likely, they did not enter the market to “please fans”. They entered it because they are passionate about creating, and it is only natural for them to want to move on with their art, and innovate, if not make something new entirely!

Not continuing to further your art as you feel you should is just people-pleasing, and not what God put you on this earth to do. Will some people disagree with these changes? Yes, of course. But it will be the right thing to do. Regardless of what you do, you will have people who are critical, so it is better to do what you, the creator, thinks is best. Should artists take feedback? They should welcome it, but only incorporate what they feel is right, not bending to every person’s expectations. Doing that would not render them an original artist anymore; at that point they would merely be a private contractor.

My point is, let the artists breathe. All art is living, and will eventually grow old. Will it still be fascinating? Yes. But will the artist want to make the same art every time? Of course not. By doing so, it would become monotonous, and the artist would lose his passion. Only by creating new things, will the artists continue to thrive, flourish, and be passionate about their work; hence allowing them to continue to create new work.
If you don’t allow the artists this freedom, there will be no new work!

If you cannot stand the new work, the artist will likely not change. As artists, they want to push the medium forward, and continue to be excited by trying new things.

With that aside, fans, true fans must allow the artists to evolve, and grow with them.
Not allowing the artists the right to evolution is unnatural and unrealistic, as evolution is natural. It’s a natural part of life and a part of art, and we must accept it; not only for ourselves, but for the creators, as well.

If, as a fan, you cannot accept this universal truth, not only are you not a true fan of the artist, but are blinded by the reality of change.

What I Don’t Understand About Vegetarianism And Veganism

What I don’t understand about vegetarianism and veganism:
I understand the view that killing animals for food seems wrong. The main arguments are that they have emotions and feelings too, and since they’re living, and are similar to us in many ways, they do not deserve this treatment. While this seems agreeable to me, look at the next point:

Plants are not excluded from this logic. Plants may seem “okay”, because they don’t have brains or visible feelings, and they don’t move. But in reality, plants are living things too. Have you seen plants like Venus fly traps? That’s an intelligent plant, regardless if it can move on its own or has eyes, it hunts for food just like other animals. And all plants need water, nutrition, and sunlight to grow, the same as all other animals. And they bleed, and they, too, bleed and die when you cut them, and kill them. So in this sense, they are no less important than any animal you may eat.

By this logic, you should not be eating any plant products, either. It’s no more “okay” to eat plants than animals.
But we need to consume them for our survival. Just like other animals need to eat animals, and plants. And just like some plants need to eat flies, and drink water, and take nourishment from worms, and the rest of the earth.

Now that we see both are more equal than we thought, if we didn’t eat animals OR plants, we wouldn’t survive, just as plants wouldn’t survive without the worms, or the animals wouldn’t survive without BOTH.

In conclusion, everything is living, even the earth. And everything is symbiotic. We all must feed off of each other, for our own survival. And we shouldn’t be ashamed of it, or offended by it. In the end, we’re all the same.

As early Native Americans saw it, the buffalo was holy to them. They worshipped it, with the utmost respect. But they also understood they needed the buffalo for survival, and therefore consumed it, but wasted no part of it, and treated it with the utmost respect during the process.

Even though we must consume, as is the law of nature, it does not mean we get to treat the things we consume negatively during the process. Taking a tip from our early Natives, while we understand we need our plants and animals, the least we can do is treat the things we consume with respect.
That is our duty.

Just don’t eat your own kind. That, my friends, is cause for anarchy.

Close Friends

I don’t think the reason we don’t have many close friends is because we don’t want them. I think it’s because we can’t handle too many close friendships. We like telling everything to just a handful of people in our lives and focusing on them, because it would actually be exhausting to try to forge those same kind of relationships with everyone you like and want to be friends with.
So we choose who fate gives us. And maybe that’s how it should be.